Nikki Glaser’s 10 Jokes Left Out of Her Scathing Golden Globes

Nikki Glaser Golden Globes monologue at the 82nd awards ceremony was sharp, funny, and full of jabs at Hollywood’s biggest stars. However, as revealed on The Howard Stern Show, the aired version was toned down compared to her original draft. Here are 10 jokes that didn’t make it to the stage:

1. Ben Affleck’s “Jennifer” Problem

“Here’s to Ben Affleck. I can’t wait to see which Jennifer you try to ruin next.” Nikki’s quip about Affleck’s history with Jennifer Lopez and Jennifer Garner might have been too close to the bone, especially with ongoing rumors about his relationships.

2. A Riskier Diddy Joke

Nikki opted for a playful Diddy jab in her monologue but left this out: “This is the last time all of you will be in the same room together until the Diddy trial.” She explained it felt too accusatory toward the audience.

3. Adrien Brody and Baby Hitler

Nikki’s monologue included a Holocaust survivor nod to Adrien Brody’s roles in The Pianist and The Brutalist. However, she dropped a darker joke: “If Adrien Brody could go back in time, he would thank baby Hitler for his career.” It was scrapped after her Gen-Z assistant didn’t understand the context.

4. Nicole Kidman as ‘The Wild Robot’

The joke compared Nicole Kidman to Chris Sanders’ The Wild Robot: “Nicole Kidman after two white wines.” Nikki didn’t deliver it, fearing the actress might react poorly.

5. Kate Winslet as Cocaine

Nikki considered saying, “Kate Winslet is like cocaine—she’s white, always with Leo, and I can’t wait to find her at the after-party.” The punchline about Kate’s connection to Leonardo DiCaprio didn’t make it past the editing phase.

6. Alec Baldwin’s ‘Rust’ Tragedy

In light of Alec Baldwin’s involvement in the Rust incident, Nikki cut a joke about his role in Beetlejuice: “Alec Baldwin didn’t come back as a ghost because he was too busy making them.”

7. A Grim Take on Joker 2

Nikki’s axed joke about Joker 2 referenced theater shootings: “During Joker 2, I was hoping someone would shoot it up.” She dropped it, deeming it too controversial.

8. Hollywood Legends and Financial Woes

A joke about Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Meryl Streep’s work on Only Murders in the Building was left out: “It just shows you, you’re never too old to need money still.”

9. Queer Meets Wicked

Her quip about Daniel Craig’s role in Queer: “It’s a movie and not just what my uncle calls Wicked,” didn’t make the final cut.

10. Nikki’s Signature Self-Deprecation

Known for roasting herself, Nikki almost said: “Amy Adams is nominated for Night Bitch, while I was snubbed for Day Slut.”

Nikki Glaser may have held back on some of her most biting jokes, but the ones that made it to air still left a lasting impression.